Online goodbyes

When a popular homeless man named "Mr. Butch" died from a motor scooter crash in the Boston area last summer, the news spread quickly. People from around the country began posting tributes in an online guestbook through Legacy.com –- which hosts obituary sites for newspapers. They shared their grief through stories and reflections about Mr. Butch, who was a fixture on the streets for three decades.

"You asked me for change one winter night in '87," one admirer named Tania wrote. "I didn't have enough to get home and was walking across town, we chatted for a while, you cheered me up and bought me a token, and then remembered my name for the next 20 years. Thank you for your big heart. You taught me to always look for the positive side. RIP"

Years ago, these kinds of tributes were possible only in person or on paper. But today, the Internet gives people an outlet for their sorrow and a chance to connect virtually with others feeling the same way. After the horrific killing of students and teachers at Virginia Tech in April 2007, for example, I was struck by the power of social networking sites like Facebook.com to enable mourners to express their prayers, condolences, shock, anger, and dismay over the tragedy.

Don't get me wrong; I'm a big fan of well-crafted newspaper obituaries. But one advantage of these online tools, it seems, is that they help paint a more complete picture of individuals who have died -- and the difference they made in their lifetimes.

I recently learned that Ruth-Ann, a former bunkmate from summer camp in Maine years ago, passed away just shy of age 50. Although I had not seen her for 35 years, and we were not particularly close as kids, I felt compelled to visit her online guest book and post a note to her family. Today I see that several fellow campmates have left notes, and reading them -- along with the heart-wrenching comments from Ruth-Ann's children -- reminds me how many lives each of us touches during our time on Earth, no matter how short or long.

By offering a chance to publicly honor those who have died, the Web helps take some of the sting out of our grief.