Jennifer Stevens MA, CT

Finding the Right Grief Counselor For Your Client or Yourself

Each of us need a sounding board, a mirror, a person who will hold space for us to be with them and for them to simply listen or "be" there the way we need them to be. That's the beauty of our grief journey; it's not about there being some behavior that needs to be stopped, some thoughts to be "gotten rid of", or some harmful emotions to do away with. That's why a grief counselor is important, to journey with you as you delve into your grieving, share your mourning, and help you mindfully be aware of your transformation as it occurs.

What Grief Counselors Can't Do

Sometimes it is easier to start by explaining what a grief counselor cannot do. We can't perform miracles and bring back the person whose death as challenged your view of life. We cannot take your grief away because we know that it is in the very pain and love that you will grow and foster new ways of living. We can't find hope and meaning in life for you; that is your job to seek. We can't create a new life for you.

So if we can't take your pain away and create a new life for you, why is going to a grief counselor so important? Because of all that we can do with you. We can help you as you explore the questions that plague you at 3 am and make you anxious. We can accompany you as you begin to discover your own beliefs about dying and grieving. We can provide space and time for you to seek the possibilities of who you are becoming, and listen to the memories of what was. We can hold hope for you when life feels hopeless and futile and when you can't even fathom that there will be a moment to catch your breath, to grow, and to live again.

How to Find A Grief Counselor

How do you find a grief counselor? When it seems like many people, all of a sudden, are specializing in grief, how can you be sure that someone will be the right fit? There are many ways to figure out who might be best for you. Sometimes the best way we stumble over the "right person" is that someone we know was helped by that person. We can hear and see how the right counselor made companioned another bereft persons on their journey.

Remember that you have every right to interview counselors in town to see if you are a match for their personality and style. Some people believe that any therapist can do any work with any person. I don't hold that belief. My basic philosophy is that it is the safety, support, and comfort in the relationship between client and counselor that creates the opportunity for healing to occur, especially in grieving and mourning.

Professional Networks

Ask what professional affiliations a person has. Many outstanding organizations are committed to compassionate care of those who grieve. You can search on the web for people who are members of the Association for Death Education and Counseling (www.adec.org), The American Academy of Bereavement (www.bereavementacademy.org), Hospice Foundation of America (www.hospciefoundation.org) or The National Hospice and Palliative Care website http://www.nhpco.org . You can call your nearest hospice, cancer center, Alzheimer care facility, or funeral home to ask if they can refer you to someone in your town.

Does This Person Feel Right?

The general wisdom that I share with people I work with is this; know your rights. It's your right to know whose hands and heart you are placing yourself as you are mourning. You have the right to ask about a facilitator's credentials, their views of grieving and mourning, and if they have experienced their own losses. I, personally, would also ask, "why did you decide to become a grief professional". If a person doesn't know, I might (I probably would) keep looking. If they do know, ask yourself, "does their reason resonate with who I am and what I need"?

What to Expect?

What should you expect from grief counseling? It depends on the circumstances. Some hospices provide short-term support for people in the community. Other grief counselors may work with you to decide what kind of support you need and how often you should set appointments; this is what I do. I think it's important that you never feel disempowered in your grief because a counselor thinks they know more about your grief than you do and that goes for deciding together what is the best way to support you. For some people, knowing that I am available if they need me is enough to know that they have support and someone to turn to if things get to be too much.

Some counselors will accept insurance and others will not. If financial difficulties are something you are facing during your grief, seek out someone who offers a sliding scale (fees based on your income). You can also call around your area to see what other counselors' fees are so that you know what could be considered standard in your area.

How Long?

And of course, the most important question that is always asked, how long do I go to a grief counselor? Again, this is a decision that you and your counselor can make together. There is no right amount of time or right steps to take. As you need support, seek the person out that feels safe and companions you during your grieving. Remember, you can always take a break from counseling and return when new parts of your grief arise. We don't deal with all of our grief all at once, thanks to our natural ways of coping such as denial. Our grief journey is slow; it about learning to live. We did not do it up until now in 6 months and our relearning now will not end in 6 months. As time passes and healing occurs, we are sometimes met with secondary losses that occur due to the death of our loved one. Sometimes, we have lose more than one person. Sometimes we move into taking care of another person and don't allow ourselves to feel our grief and begin to mourn. These will all impact your grieving and your seeking new meaning out of life.

Sharing Our Stories

The first time I "told all" to my friends was the day I found out that my brother had HIV and probably AIDS.  I was living in TN and all my friends were back home on the east coast.  I called them, told them my story and they rallied and gave me love and support, even at a distance.

Being a counselor, I witness the power our sharing our stories every day and today should not be a miracle, but, isn't there a reason that every day is a miracle if we co-create that.

I recently emailed all my friends, aquaintances, classmates, family, etc. about a back injury I have suffered and the chronic pain I have been in for two months.  I feel like I need to share the positive and negative in my life -- I email successes, celebrations, losses, and heartbreak.

What I see in group is that the power of the safe container heals when people share and feel compassion around them.

Friends I haven't heard from in awhile have emailed me to tell me that I am in their prayers, however they may sound or look, Hail Mary's, energy work, chanting, visualizations, etc.  It fills me with hope that we do co create the world. 

But the even more important part was that some of my closest friends, who don't normally share their burdens did.  My pain allowed an avenue for them to share theirs and mutually, we honor each other's experiences of pain, fear, exhaustion, hope, love, and so much more. 

I emailed a friend that "deaths" occur all the time to teach us, to allow us to grow, to wake us up, etc.  The conditions my friends and I are experiencing right now feel like deaths of our normal life, our youth, our independence.  AND these deaths have shown us the interbeing or interconnectedness that comes from awareness, consciousness, and mindful exchanges. 

Don't wait for a major death to force you into major change.  Be mindful of the small deaths and honor that they are losses that create space for new ways of being.  Share your stories and your power.  In the end, it benefits you, those you share with, and the ripples spread throughout our world.  Only with awareness can we live compassionately and touch each other in profound ways -- when we realize that we all are One.

I honor growthhouse for this space to share this.  I honor the world I have created with so many people over my 35 years and how they never cease to amaze me.  Their light, love, compassion, and risking to love helps me to honor my completeness in whatever is divine. 

Peace and Loving-kindness,
Jennifer 

The Value of Grief

I have had many losses in my life. Some due to the death of someone I cared, so due to dreams that haven't come true, others due to having moved a lot over the last few years. 
The last two most significant losses in my life were my brother (who died in 1995) and my best friend (who died in 2001, just 10 days before 9/11 and her service was 2 days after 9/11).

Today I had a deeply meaningful talk with a new friend and what I realize is that even though it has been 11 and 4 years since my last two major losses, I continue to learn more and more about myself through those losses.  The talk renewed my passion for helping people who are grieving and teaching people how to be with grieving people.  It also made me very aware of how consciously or not consciously I am living my life.  With all the deaths I have experienced personally and professionally, I have set the intention to live a more mindful life and I'm human and don't always do that 100% of the time.  Today, was a mindfulness bell for me, to wake up, and be mindful of the present moment that is situated in all of my experiences and all of who I am.

In the midst of grieving, it can feel overwhelming, confusing, and alarming.  We can also feel relieved, filled with anguish, or joy depending on what we believe about dying, death, and grieving.  All of those feelings and about 400 more are perfectly normal and healthy to feel after a loss, no matter who tells you what. 

My hope is that I can share what I have learned and what other grieving people have taught me, that is NOT in the books you read and is NOT trained to professionals.  It comes from being present and honest and open to another's journey.  I use growthhouse as a professional blog to share articles and information with people in the field of thanatology. 

And, just to give you an important piece of information about me, I don't tend (if I am mindful) to use the word grief because it implies some “thing”.  I am much more comfortable with the term grieving because it is what we think, feel, do, experience, and so much more.  I believe grieving is fluid, changing, and transforming.  I hope that my words will bring comfort to those who seek it.

With Compassion,
Jennifer

A Little Different Kind of Post

This post is a bit different than what I have selected for growthhouse.com in the past.  I wrote it for something else and decided I would add it here. For the professional, I hope it gives you a little insight into the life of a grieving person and a feel for what some want to pathologize.  For the non-professional (which means that someone printed this out to share with you), I hope that you feel some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in how you feel, see the world, and that maybe there are places and people safe enough so that you feel seen and heard and your experienced is valued.  I hope the merit of this post brings comfort to someone who suffers. 

Jennifer R. Stevnes, MA, CT

06.07.2006

Running from our feelings, running from our grief

"when you are lost in the forest stand still - the trees and the forest know where you are…stand still…you are not lost…everywhere you are is called 'here'…." David Whyte

A friend emailed me this quote the other day.  She said she was feeling overwhelmed and trying to figure things out.  She complimented me on my "ability" to get overwhelmed, stop, take a few deep breaths and let it come…… well, people don't always see the panting in between the deep breaths or the chaos in the mind before the calm sets in!  But I was honored for her to see my light and to see her light within me.  That's what we do for one another, we mirror each other's light when we feel lost.  That is why when we greet each other we say Namaste – I honor the light within you, that is also within me, that is within all things, and is the One.  (Or maybe the "here", according to Whyte?)

It is hard to imagine that when feelings of anxiousness, fear, anger, agitatation distress, woundedness, etc., etc., come that we are given an opportunity.  I know for me, my first thought it not, “wow, something good is coming my way because I am quivering with panic”.  If it is for you, I bow humbly to you.  What I am learning, and what I have learned during my own grief journey and through my client's grief jouneys is that it is in those moments that we are most human, most open to growth, when we know how to work with those moments.  And we know how, we all do.  We just forget.

Agony, confusion, franticness…all invitations for us to see that something is not "right” in our world.  And yet, when we feel these things, (and when we feel them after a loss, we may feel all of them at once), our natural instinct is to run.  Such pain goes through our hearts, and minds, and spirits (whatever you would like to call it) when we have been crushed by such a blow as the death of someone we love.  We feel lost and like no one understands us.

And yet, Whyte tells us, like so many mystics before him, that we are not lost.  It is our illusion that keeps us from feeling like we are disconnected.  That we are forgotten.  That we are isolated in a dangerous world.  When we become silent in our feelings that accompany our grieving, would we see that there is nothing there but thoughts and feelings? And behind those, when we are still enough, would we see that there is only Oneness and that we are never disconnected?

It sounds esoteric doesn't it?  But the universe always knows who we are, even when we have lost the “very best part of us”, the meaning in our lives, the person who we can no longer hold and see.  It is we who forget where we are and this is natural in grief.  It's our way of protecting ourselves.  But, your whole life you have been a sister, a wife, a mother, an uncle, a best friend, a grandfather, and now that person who is in relationship to you in no longer there.  So, who are you without them?

To me, that really isn't the question.  To me, the question is, who do I choose to be as I learn to live without the physical presence of that person?  Who do I get to find among those trees when I am still?  And what is this “here”?

In our grieving, we tend to run from our “here”.  We think it is the most painful place to be.  So we hang out in yesterday and feel bittersweet longing for the way things were.  And we feel pain.  We stuff the pain, maybe medicate it with sleeping too much, chocolate truffles, staying too busy, and surely this pain, this stuff called grief will go away.  But it doesn't. 

We think about our future.  Yikes!!!!  How can I imagine a new future because I already had my future planned with the person who is now not here beside me.  We think, how can I go on without that person, without our plans.  And we feel pain.  And we stuff the pain.  This time it is in spending a lot of money, spending a lot of time in front of the television, spending a lot of time in the garden.  We think if we stay busy enough, our grief will not be able to keep up with us.  And yet, it does.

We spend so much energy trying to find creative (very very creative ways) of staying away from the feelings that come up for us in our grieving.  And we wonder why we are exhausted, why we have this gnawing feeling in our stomach, why we feel hopeless.  It is that we fight that which is so natural – the pain that comes from having taken the risk to love. 

So what would it be like to stand still?  What would it be like to collapse into the "here and now" and feel?  Do we really fear the answer to that so much that we can't sit still in the forest and just listen to the breeze?  Listen to the sound of no-thing?  You are no more lost than the person who has died.  You are where you need to be and that person is where they need to be, as unfair and painful as that may be to think about.  And, sometimes, when we sit in our hearts, and stay open, we can feel, hear, taste, and smell that where they are and where we are is the same place. 

Stand still.  Listen.  Breathe.  Feel what comes.  Can you recognize that feelings come and go?  That thoughts come and go?  That what seemed liked constant pain is really moment to moment being?  Being in pain, being bored, being “itchy”, being annoyed.  Stand still and breathe.  Take genltle care of yourself as you do this.  You don't have to feel like you are doing it right or wrong, just do it.  Stand still and tall like the tree and know that where you are is where you have always been, in just the perfect place for you.

Namaste, Jennifer

The Ten Things I Will Never Tell You (Part III)

Just as a reminder as to why I am sharing this extended article here, I have cut and paste the beginning part of the first article as a reference.  I would love to have any feedback on the information in my posts as to the usefulness of the information so that I can offer what I know and what you want to know........

We have so little grief etiquette in our society today, people don't seem to know what to say and do when we have experienced a loss.  Many also want to avoid the subject of death at any cost.  People are uncomfortable with our grief.  Maybe they think that they will hurt us if they say the wrong thing?  Maybe they think they will hurt if they say anything?  What I do know is that the bereft often asking why professionals, family, friends, and co-workers can be so hurtful.

This was my rational for these articles -- The Ten Things I Will Never Tell You.  I thought this would be a short article and I could pass on the wisdom that my clients, friends, and family have shared with me.  What I realized is that there is a lot to say about this subject.  Therefore, I am writing this article in multiple sections, allowing the reader to take in the information slowly and mindfully. 

3.  Your child will be scarred for life if they are around someone whose dying or go to a funeral.

I often wonder where this belief came from.  Maybe its because as adults we have our own baggage about dying and grieving?  Maybe it’s that we don’t want to see our children in pain?  Those of us who have been around dying, death, and grieving awhile have heard the voices of kids who would love to tell you the truth about what they need rather than what we think they need.

In my family, we cared for the dying at home.  Young and old went to calling hours and funerals.  You don’t stop being a part of a person’s life or step out of relationship with them because they are not physically here.  There is nothing to fear about dying and grieving except the illusions we cling to.

When children are prepared for what a service or funeral we be like, when they are given informed choices, children will often times find healing in these events.  When we shield our children from death, we shield them from family, from belonging, and therefore, love.

I’m never surprised when a child comes to group and is angry.  We tend to forget our children because of our own pain or we shield them from what we think will do potential harm.  Research studies have found that children who are not allowed to go to a funeral or they are distracted from the family functions grow up to be angry at their family for not allowing them the chance to grieve with their families. 

The Ten Things I Will Never Tell You (Part II)

2. You should be over your grief by now.

There are no “shoulds” when it comes to grief.  We can choose not to feel our feelings, but usually they come out in various forms, no matter who hard we suppress them.  How ever we are experiencing grief, here and now, is exactly perfect.

Wow, that seems pretty unkind when you see it in black and white!!!!  “How could this much heart ache be perfect?  Are you kidding me?”

What I mean by our grief is perfect is that no one can tell us how to grieve, in what time frame, and when to stop.  No one can also take our grief away and to do so, if we could, might be the least compassionate thing we could do for you.

We each cope differently.  I try to find logical answers.  Maybe you get mad.  Maybe our friend goes out shopping, a lot.  We do the best we can in every moment.  Hopefully, we seek out others, share are fears, our doubts, our pain, and we find supportive people who will listen deeply to us and share their story along the way.

There are no magic formulas to when your grief will “end”.  I don’t think it really does.  What I do believe is that we assimilate our experiences of the loss, and in time, start looking at ways to find meaning and purpose once again.

Important Dates and Programs To Remember

The American Academy of Bereavement's Annual Conference will be in Buffalo-Niagara Falls Region of New York. It will be Sept 13 - 16, 2006 at the Hyatt Regency Hotel. For more information please contact the AAB at www.bereavementacademy.org. Contact information for Membership is 716-332-0286 ext 102. AAB has wonderful one day seminars throughout the country. They are great for non-grief staff to learn more about being with those who are grieving from the very professionals that are out doing the work. AAB workshops are also great pick-me-ups and refreshers for those of us in the grief field. I was amazed at the professionalism and wealth of knowledge at the Fall conference in 2005 and appreciate AAB for really focusing on clinicians presenting!

Another place to keep an eye out is the Alaya Institute in San Francisco, CA. Their website is http://www.alayainstitute.org. "The Alaya Institute is established as a catalyst for individual and cultural change." (excerpt from their website)  Frank Ostaseski who was the founder of Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, CA, developed an incredible end-of-life training program that you can read about on their website. Frank is wise, compassionate, practical, and beautifully shares with the world the tradition of socially engaged Buddhism as the foundation of work.

You may also want to know more about Zen Hospice Project where Frank had been the founding director and guiding teacher. www.zenhospice.org. My hope is to some day be able to spend a lifetime learning from the group of teachers that Frank has brought together to share their collective wisdom about dying and grief. Namaste Frank, Alaya Institute, and Zen Hospice.

JRS 9/8/06 updated

Back from the ADEC Conference...

Despite having the flu while I was there, I was once again amazed at the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) conference and am thrilled to be able to share some highlights.  As listed below in this blog, ADEC is the oldest interdisciplinary organization devoted to teaching, counseling, and training people in the field of thanatology. 

One of the things I love about the conference is that it "walks the talk" when it comes to grief...  ADEC has built in memorial time and space at each of it's conferences as well as many interfaith spiritual services so that those of us who go can fill our cups and return home to do the work we love to do.

Sandra L. Bertman was an invited speaker and her "Soul-Pain, Suffering, and the Self-Reflective Clinician:  The Awe and Mystery of Our Work" was not only standing room only, but people were actually turned away from it.  Many members shared that they cannot wait until Sandra writes another book.  She inspired and moved her audience with her work.

Tom Attig's presentation, Brokenness:  Reflections on Suffering and Resilience also packed the house.  Tom, an applied philosopher, has such a way of sharing the depth and richness of the experiences of grief.  His two books, How We Grieve, and The Heart of Grief:  Death and the Search for Lasting Love, will be and are classics in the field.  I got a chance to speak with Tom at the conference and he was wonderful to share his insights and wisdom with me. 

Kumar Sameet is a name that I am sure you will hear more and more of in the next few years.  His new book, Grieving Mindfully, is incredible.  Kumar is a gentle and down to earth psychologist from Mt. Sinai Comprehensive Center in Miami Beach, FL.  He shared his practices of mindfulness meditation that he uses with his clients -- newly diagnosed patients, individuals who are actively dying, caregivers, and grieving family and friends.  THIS was the presentation that, despite the flu, I was up at 6:00 am to wake up and get ready for.  If you don't know his book, go to Amazon and get it.  I admire his work and am thrilled that more and more professionals are seeing the benefits of Buddhism to dying and grief, which will eventually be my dissertation topic. 

Chun-Kai Fang, MSc, from Taiwan, shared his existential-phenomenological study of terminal cancer patients who have a diagnosis of Depression.  Fang did an excellent job of conveying the all too human side of existential suffering that patients can face after receiving a diagnosis of cancer.  I applaud his use of the qualitative research to help us to imagine the faces and the experiences of those who we serve and love.

These are just a few of the gems that I was able to attend at this year's conference.  If you don't know about ADEC, you're missing out on some fantastic people in the field doing incredible work.  Check out their newly revised website at www.adec.org. 

Next year's conference will be the 29th Annual Conference in Indianapolis, IN from April 11 - 15.  Don't wait until next year to hear the highlights... Mark these dates on your calendar today!

Jennifer R. Stevens, MA, CT   

Awareness of Revisting Grief and PTSD on the East Coast

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

I receive a monthly newsletter from Belleruth Naparstek.  I know her work in visualizations and healing and use her work with my clients and for my own migraines.

She sent a compelling email about the East coast.  For all of you there, my hearts are with you as you may be reliving your losses.  Although we've been away for so long, we had a family friend die on that horrible day.  This email reminded me to send extra lovingkindness and light to you all.

For those of you around the country, please hold those effected by all of the violent tragedies of our country in light, especially those whose lives changed on 9/11.  Belleruth's email also reminded me of mindful language and action and how suffering can be spread so easily when we do not weigh how we share news, stories, etc.  I have been struck by awe, especially at this time of the year when I hear of new students at Columbine that make fun of what happened because they did not live it.  I think of how quickly we're told to shove away our grief and pain.  I am reminded of how many people are effected by death, violence, and isolation every day, in every neighborhood, in every country.

May all beings understand their suffering and from where it comes.  May all beings be free from their suffering.  May all beings everywhere experience and cultivate happiness and its roots, joy, equanminity, lovingkindness, and mindful speech and action.  May we all remember how interconnected we all truly are.

Bowing to the light in each of you, Holding the light for those who are in need....

Jennifer

"I can be changed by what happens to me.  But I refuse to be reduced by it."  Maya Angelou         

---

From: Belleruth Naparstek <[email protected]>
Reply-To: <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: A Resurgence of PTSD in NY, NJ & CT... and What Can Be Done About It...
Date: Fri, 07 Apr 2006 11:15:00 -0700
A RESURGENCE OF PTSD IN NY & THE TRI-STATE AREA... AND WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT…


Not surprisingly, what with all the publicity about 9/11 from the Moussaoui trial, plus the movie trailer for the story of United Flight #93, and add to that escalating concerns about how, where and when the next attacks will come, many people in the New York and Tri-State area are either re-experiencing their dormant PTSD symptoms or having them, full-blown, for the first-time.

This isn’t unusual – it’s how posttraumatic stress behaves. Its closed, circular, neurophysiologic feedback loop, catalyzed by alarm biochemicals, can be set off by video footage, reports of the trial, or by any intense emotions (terror, helplessness, outrage…) generated by evocative stimuli.

One Manhattan-based physician recently said, “You know, I don't think people outside the New York area really understand how much that day changed us, and how much we all remain frightened for the next time...”

And a clinical social worker who’s done extensive counseling with traumatized early responders from 9/11 just emailed me that when she was at the movies this week, and previews played for the movie, United 93, many in the audience became very, very upset - angry, agitated and/or weepy.

It’s important for everyone to understand that, first of all, it’s normal for catalysts like these to activate symptoms;

Second, that the continued fear of future attack will exacerbate these symptoms;

And, third, that there are things people can do – simple, no-brainer, self-regulation methods and guided imagery exercises - to get themselves back to a state of equilibrium and resilience.

These are critical skills for all of us to have in our PTSD toolkits – for healing the traumatic stress we’ve got; and for inoculating ourselves from future stressors, should they occur. And it’s not just our feisty, courageous, big-hearted brothers and sisters in New York and the Tri-State area who need this stuff – it’s all of us.

But if you do happen to live in the New York area, I’ll be talking about these methods and demonstrating some of them at Morristown Memorial Hospital on Saturday morning, April 22nd, where The Friends’ Health Connection is sponsoring my morning talk, followed by Q and A and some book-signing and individual conversation. Come join me if you can! And bring a traumatized friend!

There’s more information about the morning and The Friend’s Health Connection at http://healthjourneys.c.topica.com/maaeGxOabpDrpbqqHDMbaeQy6Q/ or you can call 800-483-7436 to register.

All best,
Belleruth

http://healthjourneys.c.topica.com/maaeGxOabpDrqbqqHDMbaeQy6Q/
800.800.8661

What I do at Hospice:

My background as a counselor in end-of-life issues started in 1994 when I worked with PWAs (People With AIDS).  It was a labor of love at the time because my brother was also dying from the illness.  After that, whether working on a addiction recovery center or doing counseling for a small agency, clients with grief related issues were usually sent my way. 

For the past five years, I have worked as a bereavement specialist for a small hospice.  When I am out in the community, I frequently hear the comment "Your work is so hard, I don't know how you do it."  I am always amazed at this.  My work is hard because there is a lot of paper.  My work is nothing compared to the courageous, life-affirming, life-transforming experiences of the people brave enough to walk through my door and sit face to face with their raw hearts and intense grief.  So, when I am asked what I do as a bereavement specialist, this is what I choose to tell people, rather than offer my job description to them:

1.  I bear witness to and am mindfully present to the history, story, and relationship that the bereaved unfold before me and to hold sacred, safe space for this to happen in.

2.  With reverence, I companion the bereaved while they are on a part of their grief journey.  I chose the words with reverence because it means, with profound respect, mingled with love, devotion, and awe.

3.  The third thing is actually what I don’t do, not what I do.  I don’t teach the bereaved about the growth and healing that can accompany the grief journey.  I help them to recollect it.  To recollect means to bring back to mind what is lost or scattered.  I believe that most of us know somewhere in our being that growth occurs on our journey, but while you are in the midst of it, the growth is covered over by pain, relief, sorrow, depression, anger, shame, utter loneliness.

So, who does the hard work?  The people who allow me to witness their life-world.

As part of this blog, I am going to write a multi-part article about the things that you would never hear me say if you came to my group or into my office for individual counseling.  I think this is important because grief education is not widespread in all disciplines and many people have misinformation about grief and how to be with grieving people.  I would like to do my best to help professionals understand the wants, needs, and myths about grief that permeate our society as a whole. 

Please continue to watch the blog for this multi-article titled:  10 Things You Will Never Hear From Me.

Thank you for your interest in grief and the bereft.

Jennifer R. Stevens, MA, CT